Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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