My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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