I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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