So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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