He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
