ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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