I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
