I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
