and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She announced her abortion via fbk
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Randomize
