butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
