Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
