hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
