I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
