I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
