I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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