he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
