Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
