If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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