Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
