So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
