I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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