I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
