Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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