My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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