Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
