All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
