just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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