My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Randomize
