I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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