a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
