He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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