Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
i out mim tonsoeep
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