I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
