I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
