I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
