I'm jealous of your bromance
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
