I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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