I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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