well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
