so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
