ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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