Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
