I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
