new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
