I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
