Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
