Me. At least after what I've been through.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
