I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
