omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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