Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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