Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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